So we entered the “Best Unfiltered Band” contest with the Harpoon Brewery. First off, it was great seeing an independent beer company putting its support behind indie bands, and having some fun with their product. (Beer and rock go well together — these guys “get it!”) Especially with the Clydesdales gearing up for yet another trot around some faux-Rockwellian (or is that “Orwellian”?) stepford community. With that in mind, we sent in our tunes and waited to see what would happen. And for one reason or another, while we did not win the contest, we did make the finals, and were thus rewarded with a tour of the plant. But first, we met up in the, I guess you call it the gift shop, with Schuyler, our gracious host for the evening. So two or three complimentary beers later (it’s like they read our secret hearts’ most primal rock desires or something), we and fellow finalists Gravehaven (good band, them) get to look inside the brewery proper. It’s like rock and roll heaven in a brewery, you know. Think “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” when they finally get off the acid-trip boat ride and walk through the door into the room with the chocolate river and the Oompah Loompahs and all the flowers and weird mushroom-looking thingies are made of candy and whipped cream…mmmmmmmmm. Except instead of a chocolate river, there was BEER running in the trenches. Really. Matt tried to go in head-first, Augustus Gloop style, but we caught him by the shoe and saved him before they had to take him into the next room for squeezing. Meanwhile, the rest of us keep singing the theme song from “Laverne and Shirley” (“on your mark, get set and GO now/got a dream and we just KNOW now/we’re gonna make that dream come truuuue!” Because they worked in a brewery, for youse that don’t watch TV Land) and taking in the rich, heady smell of fermenting grain and the row upon row of stainless steel vats. I don’t know about my bandmates, but when I go, I want to be cryogenically preserved in one of those babies. There might be some kind of Vertigo imprint superhero to be gotten from this. Sudsman! Which was what Matt was no doubt trying to do when he jumped in; dont drink the beer, BE the beer!

ANYWAY, so the tour was great, Schuyler knew his stuff, and then we got back to the front for…more free beer! And a nifty pile o’ swag. It was at this second sitting that I noticed they have these glass jars filled with various grains. It turns out dried barley and wheat are pretty tasty, kind of like Grape Nuts or something. The green pellets were hops and not very tasty at all, but did you know that hops smell almost exactly like high grade sensemilla? Apparently they are fairly close cousins in the plant world. Yet one more reason to love the golden foamy libation, that to paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, proves that God loves us and wants us to be happy. And maybe even crank out a tune or two while we do it.

The Lights Out at Harpoon Brewery

Foxes guarding the henhouse


One Response to “HarpOOOOOOOONN!!!”

  1. […] by the guide, but since I’ve already talked about going through Harpoon’s brewery in an earlier blog, I’ll skip the details.  Suffice it to say, there is a lot of stainless steel, a lot of […]

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